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Chocolate Covered Cherries
So, here I am, practicing living and accepting my life As Is, and what happens? I’m dipped, like a juicy cherry, in chocolate fantasy. It’s a pattern. I see a movie (hero) that touches some core...
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Beg Pardon?
Luke Skywalker… er… my therapist, Ben, asked me today, “If you were a Marvel superhero, which one would you be?” Immediately, I said Captain America. I thought he asked me which one did I WANT. Oops.
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I Choose Life
Coming down from a stretch of mania—that feeling of a greasy rope flying through my hands. Later I’ll feel the burn, the skin of my palms flayed. Now it’s just the rope. Too fast. No grip. And the...
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Talking to Myself
Cycling again, and trying to experience it differently (My endless mantra—”Let’s try this…”). Working with the practices in Radical Acceptance, I breathe and notice how the despair and sorrow feel in...
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Frail and Exotic Flower
⊂ ⊃ This is one of the flavors of my depression, feeling translucent and fragile, a melancholy scrim of gossamer floating untethered in the sharp October air. This is when I yearn for deliverance,...
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Therapeutic Fan-Girling
Have I ever mentioned that I’m a Fan-Girl? Yeah, maybe once or twice. The thing is… when my bipolarness sinks its bitey teeth in and whips my brain around like a dead gopher, fan-girling is about...
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Unboxed
The Darkest Hour is Just before the Box Pops Open. —Ancient Feline Proverb • Last Thursday was the third day in a row of fighting suicidal thoughts. Fantasies of death consumed me. My therapist...
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Traveling
I haven’t posted much lately because it’s been scary inside my head. There’s a fine line between sharing my practice of bipolar disorder and giving voice to the blackest symptoms. When self-loathing...
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Lonely
After seeing Avengers: Endgame on Friday, I’ve been profoundly moved. I know it’s fan-girly, maybe bipolar, definitely grief. I don’t think I’m giving anything away by saying that. We all knew there...
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A Conversation in the Void
“Where have you been?” she asked him. You left me, remember? Said it was easier. His eyes were still kind, his voice still quiet. But she couldn’t read him anymore. And she couldn’t believe she was...
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Another Conversation
“There’s so much space here,” she said. His eyes smiled. You’re not afraid anymore. “Is that weird? It happened so fast.” It’s happened before. “I thought there was something really wrong.” You...
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